The Hotel

Here I will talk about my guiltiest pleasure at the moment. Apart from what I get up to on weekends. Yikes.

I am, of course, talking about The Hotel on Channel 4. Made by the same people that followed pregnant women around, this follows the day-to-day like around a mid-range bed and breakfast. It has its share of characters, none of which are unbelievable, and situations. There's a wedding, a proposal, kids and next week, a psychic.

It is utterly delightful and heart warming.

This show seems to capture the essence of calm through its chilled atmosphere and quirky staff, most of whom are Eastern European like any good British hotel. There's a creepy owner, who likes like he wandered out of Psychoville or a Little Britain sketch. He always arrives with flowers, begging them to be put into water with "a little bit of sugar". Innuendo ahoy. There's the head chef, a swearing hipster who seems to get into arguments with everyone in the kitchen and out, yet comes across as a genuine and good person. He even seems to know how to cook with his often repeated catchphrase "If you wouldn't stick your cock in it, it's hot enough."

A lovely receptionist seems to keep the guests happy while the staff can barely understand each other inbetween turning up to work drunk and smashing plates as if it were a Greek wedding. I think there was one actually.

The main "star" is the Welsh manager, one of the most hands on managers I have ever seen. He takes order, he cleans, he feeds the pigs. Nobody knows why there are pigs there by the way. He helps in the kitchen, he sorts out the rooms, he does the special requests. There seems to be a feeling that if he wasn't there, it would fall apart. Not that it isn't falling apart.

The first episode focuses around a proposal, which seems to go down well. I mean, she accepts, despite his cheesy picture of some glowstick thing. Then the Welsh manager comes out with champagne, soaking up goodwill, and all is fine. It's quite heartwarming and some of the one-on-one conversations really show this. We also see a wedding, which fucks over the kitchen staff. Complaints from TripAdvisor from racist guests. Kids running around everywhere. Men falling over. Ghost shower.

Can't explain that one.

All in all, it is a delightful show, yet incredibly terrifying. Is my hotel run like that? When I go into a hotel, this is how it's run? People nicking wedding cake? Flowers with sugar? The kitchen fucking everybody over?

This is why I stay the fuck out of British hotels.