It's over. Mr Jordan won, close to deservedly. Woop de doo.
Vinnie went from working class hero to stuck up prick, Jonas turned from love sick farter to a surprisingly cool gentleman and so on and so forth. And so ends a genuinely entertaining installment of Celebrity Big Brother (C4). At least in my opinion. Despite having Davina McCall running around like a pedophile/pantomime villain in a chicken costume, it didn't turn into a mockery. I could talk about it for another week, instead, I'll give out some slightly trivial awards.
Most Awkward Question
"Who would you rather shoot your daughter in the head: You or a terrorist?"
Stephen Baldwin.
WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT? It's not even a hypothetical question. If a terrorist is holding your daughter captive, it's very unlikely he would suggest that you shoot her instead. Unless the terrorist is a schizophrenic from the Bible Belt like Stephen.
Least Entertaining Highlight
Vinnie Jones watching Leeds' FA Cup tie against Tottenham. Two minutes of him jumping in a chair like a deranged toddler who wants more Angel Delight. Give me a break.
Least Imaginitive Made Up Task
"I bet his task is to pop that ball, without his shoes on or something." If that was a genuine task, Sisqo, I'd start to seriously wonder what type of a program I had just entered.
Funniest Simile
"If bullshit was music, there would be a brass band next door."
Biggest Pricktease
Katia. Fuck off.
The One Who Should Have Won
Stephanie. She seemed to genuinely enjoy every day in that house and constantly made me laugh. Especially when she broke Ivana Writeabook's trophy.
There we go. That'll do for now.
SIDENOTE:
Take Me Out (ITV1) just got even more cruel whent he first contestant to not get a date left the stage with "All By Myself" by Celene Dion playing in the background.
Not kosher.
Sunday, 31 January 2010
Tuesday, 19 January 2010
How can Glee be filled with so much Hate?
High School Musical. A tedious phenomenon. With Barbie and Ken singing their hearts out for love, friendship and the good American way. The first one was slightly original and cheery, a breath of fresh air in all the "edgy" darkness that surrounds TV these day. Until they were released in the cinema (the what?) and became repetitive and bland. Inevitably, people saw this success and tried to suck off the proverbial tit and came up with more crap, such as Britannia High, which is a disgrace to at least three senses.
The next series bouncing off its' success and trying to break free is Glee (E4). Set in an American High School, where else, we follow the Glee Club, the subterranean level of social status, as they try to make the nationals. They sing and dance their way through covers of popular songs. And that is where their success lies, the cover songs. They don't need to try and make a rubbish, catchy song as they can just pick one from over 50 years of popular music. Despite it being the most cliche thing since dull dishwater, it actually is quite pleasing to watch.
The cast is filled with likeable characters, who stay likeable even when metaphorically fucking each other up the arse. The most entertaining being Jane Lynch, playing the coach of the cheerleaders wanting to shut Glee Club down so she can actually have a budget. The rest are the usual American, clean faced pricks we've become accustomed to, not bad, just fairly generic.
Good thing the cast is there, because the songs are nothing to write home about. Apart from the first episode's outstanding rendition of Don't Stop Believin', the rest sounds either too close to the original to be of any value or just awful. Only three episodes in, I don't see the songs being the show's saving grace. Then what is it?
Perhaps, the show's quota of hate and decption. There is a lot in there for something called Glee. Nearly everybody hates each other or has a reason to be angry with one another. Quite surprising.
Fuck, I'm addicted. Will it last?
If nude photos of the female cast land on the internet, I'm sure it will.
The next series bouncing off its' success and trying to break free is Glee (E4). Set in an American High School, where else, we follow the Glee Club, the subterranean level of social status, as they try to make the nationals. They sing and dance their way through covers of popular songs. And that is where their success lies, the cover songs. They don't need to try and make a rubbish, catchy song as they can just pick one from over 50 years of popular music. Despite it being the most cliche thing since dull dishwater, it actually is quite pleasing to watch.
The cast is filled with likeable characters, who stay likeable even when metaphorically fucking each other up the arse. The most entertaining being Jane Lynch, playing the coach of the cheerleaders wanting to shut Glee Club down so she can actually have a budget. The rest are the usual American, clean faced pricks we've become accustomed to, not bad, just fairly generic.
Good thing the cast is there, because the songs are nothing to write home about. Apart from the first episode's outstanding rendition of Don't Stop Believin', the rest sounds either too close to the original to be of any value or just awful. Only three episodes in, I don't see the songs being the show's saving grace. Then what is it?
Perhaps, the show's quota of hate and decption. There is a lot in there for something called Glee. Nearly everybody hates each other or has a reason to be angry with one another. Quite surprising.
Fuck, I'm addicted. Will it last?
If nude photos of the female cast land on the internet, I'm sure it will.
Saturday, 16 January 2010
Beggars can indeed be choosers
Single? Looking for The One? Cannot be asked with the usual courting rituals?
Then maybe you're perfect for Take Me Out (ITV1), the softcore gangbang where thirty women fight over a man and he fights for them. Hosted by the very regional Paddy McGuiness, Greggs enthusiast, this show is scraping the bottom of the barrel.
The first round consists of the bachelor introducing himself and on the mere basis of his looks, his name and his location, the ladies reject him if they wish. You might as well have looked at a personal ad to get all that information. Then he either demonstrates a talent or tries to charm the women. One guy took his shirt off and did backflips. Pub entertainment. Then another guy blew bubbles in his milk and burped the alphabet. Not really, but it would have been better than comparing a women to wine, which did happen. I actually didn't know women and wine could both be spicy. Shows what I know.
Then we see a video clip of somebody else talking about the bachelor, usually in a way that will put the women off, such as being a Mickey Mouse fan or being high maintenance. I wonder if these friends knew they were talking about him for a dating show or were just talking behind his back and somebody caught it on camera. Then comes in the intolerably cruel portion where the man starts rejecting the women. Some with a casual look, others with a very deep "I'm so sorry," as he realises he can only pick two women that he thinks are fit.
I wondered why anybody would go on these shows. There are some women who may not be as attractive as others in this vain society, others are incredibly common and boring, but there seem to be a few reasonably good looking women. Why are they on there? Why can't they get a date? There must be something wrong with them, perhaps mentally. A phobia of skin, screaming whenever they see the colour green, something along those lines. I'm sure there is one that secretly murders her boyfriends. And then there are the men, also mental. One of these weeks contestants, Oliver, was somebody who I would associate with caviar, lobster and Boycie. If Boycie was twice the prick he usually was. He eventually ended up with a date by default as she must have forgotten to turn off her light and reject him.
Conveniently, everybody on the show does have something in common. They must be all desperate to go on a show like this with a slim chance of a date at "Fernando's", the resident restaurant for all the dates. These people must have had bad experiences with traditional relationships, attempted murder or insurance fraud somewhere. Trying to get into your will and then trying to kill you. All that jazz.
For the sake of humankind, just try to get a date by your lonesome, instead of applying for this tripe. Or, much easier, just ask Paddy McGuiness out. He looks more desperate than the contestants to be on this show.
Then maybe you're perfect for Take Me Out (ITV1), the softcore gangbang where thirty women fight over a man and he fights for them. Hosted by the very regional Paddy McGuiness, Greggs enthusiast, this show is scraping the bottom of the barrel.
The first round consists of the bachelor introducing himself and on the mere basis of his looks, his name and his location, the ladies reject him if they wish. You might as well have looked at a personal ad to get all that information. Then he either demonstrates a talent or tries to charm the women. One guy took his shirt off and did backflips. Pub entertainment. Then another guy blew bubbles in his milk and burped the alphabet. Not really, but it would have been better than comparing a women to wine, which did happen. I actually didn't know women and wine could both be spicy. Shows what I know.
Then we see a video clip of somebody else talking about the bachelor, usually in a way that will put the women off, such as being a Mickey Mouse fan or being high maintenance. I wonder if these friends knew they were talking about him for a dating show or were just talking behind his back and somebody caught it on camera. Then comes in the intolerably cruel portion where the man starts rejecting the women. Some with a casual look, others with a very deep "I'm so sorry," as he realises he can only pick two women that he thinks are fit.
I wondered why anybody would go on these shows. There are some women who may not be as attractive as others in this vain society, others are incredibly common and boring, but there seem to be a few reasonably good looking women. Why are they on there? Why can't they get a date? There must be something wrong with them, perhaps mentally. A phobia of skin, screaming whenever they see the colour green, something along those lines. I'm sure there is one that secretly murders her boyfriends. And then there are the men, also mental. One of these weeks contestants, Oliver, was somebody who I would associate with caviar, lobster and Boycie. If Boycie was twice the prick he usually was. He eventually ended up with a date by default as she must have forgotten to turn off her light and reject him.
Conveniently, everybody on the show does have something in common. They must be all desperate to go on a show like this with a slim chance of a date at "Fernando's", the resident restaurant for all the dates. These people must have had bad experiences with traditional relationships, attempted murder or insurance fraud somewhere. Trying to get into your will and then trying to kill you. All that jazz.
For the sake of humankind, just try to get a date by your lonesome, instead of applying for this tripe. Or, much easier, just ask Paddy McGuiness out. He looks more desperate than the contestants to be on this show.
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